By Lulu Sha
These pieces explore my ideas on love, loss, and emotional validation. They’re the products of a girl who got lost inside her own head for too long.
Scary Things Inspired by Sei Shonagon’s The Pillow Book Talking to strangers Talking to a crush and seeing that their feet are pointed away from you Dying alone Watching your partner grow old and weak. They can no longer run towards you, or run away from you The feeling of bug legs crawling on your skin Having to kill the spiders yourself Losing your virginity Being a virgin after college The expensive gifts from your partner after a fight. This time it’s a watch with a painted white rabbit in the background Knowing they will mention the watch in the next fight to make you feel guilty Grabbing a hammer to smash the watch, but not being able to because you don’t want to hurt the rabbit Feeling ashamed for still needing your partner Accepting the shame Eating your favorite childhood dish and not feeling any nostalgia The scale in shopping mall bathrooms The weight of everything you haven’t done yet Not being afraid to die Midsummer We met the last day of June You were singing and playing the six-string in my heart. You were undoing the strings of my heart. And all the boys bring you roses but do you remember when I kissed the daisies we planted in the Garden of Eden before God made the night? And if you still wear flowers in your hair do you still remember when you bloomed at my touch and I discovered the firmness of Eve lying between the breasts of a woman Who’s never been born? So I did not come to the hospital that day because Man begets Man but what does Woman keep for herself? It’s been many years and I wonder how he touched you and you danced in the palm of his hand. Because I heard when you dance before God there is no music but his heart beating fast. I wonder if there’s flowers in heaven. I wonder if your room has a window because through the window you can see I still kiss the flowers that shower your grave.
Both pieces started out as shower thoughts. They may or may not have been inspired by a Led Zeppelin song I was listening to. With the patient guidance of my amazing mentor, they’ve now been refined into more organized explorations of my inner consciousness. Please don’t take them too seriously—they’re works of fiction!
Lulu Sha uses sci-fi and fantasy to explore modern issues, in particular colonialism, socialism and national liberation movements. She believes in having strong leadership for Asian American youth and incorporating Asian American history into high school curriculums. In her free time she loves to sing rock covers and figure skate.