i’m worried about her

By Anaís Fernández

Content warning: transphobia

An ode to hers everywhere.

she worries enough already
worries enough to worry at her years
her worry watches the time
with quaking knees and scared eyes

her,
who stares out the window like
some unsmiling Mona Lisa 
counting her heartbeats like a countdown
believing the world turns too fast

have you heard her?
she cries for help and refuses it in one breath
a nasty cycle, passing tidal
waves in her pillow, caught by cotton
her mouth tired of holding itself up

her,
who cries
her, 
who lies
her,
whose eyes
see nothing but the hers left behind

her,
who cradles her child, who freefalls,
spine spinning to the concrete
who tries to be an octopus mother even when 
the sharks won’t eat

her,
who holds her hands up
palms up
psalms up
looking for help from a man who hurts her
with a Bible in his belt

her,
voice loud even with her mouth closed
who stands up and whose eyes glow
fists clenched even with her heart open
skin bare even with herself roped in

her, 
who loves her, 
her,
who everyone still calls “him,”
him,
who is trying, trying to understand,
what it means to be 
her.

her,
who isn’t here yet
her,
who left too early
her,
who’s right on time

her,
who gives herself without losing herself
her,
who doesn’t yet know how it feels to be prey
her,
who has known since puberty
her,
who feels unwanted fingerprints like dried paint
who has nightmares that taste like copper.

her,
who’s waiting for someone
to worry about her

i’m worried about her.

Performance

Process

This piece was inspired by the writing prompt “i’m worried about her.” When writing, I had no idea the prompt would produce a love letter to “hers” everywhere. I found myself playing a lot with rhythm, repetition, and word play. It’s the kind of poem that sounds best when read aloud.