The Desert

By Olivia Hom

This poem is about a deeply personal experience I’ve had this year. It’s about feeling bitter, betrayed, and abandoned. And no, it’s not about a romantic relationship.

The glass of my iPhone shatters as it meets the wooden floor 
There’s a bitterness forming within me
The world stands still as if a pause button is pressed
I’m too numb to cry
I want to scream but my throat dried up
Suddenly all hope has disappeared
I glance at the small bowl made of multicolored radishes that rests on a shelf 
Inside the bowl is a tiny clay bird painted in swirls of white, grey, and bronze 
A message is tucked within a hole in the bird
The message is full of gratitude and well wishes
I laugh bitterly
I could’ve had that same happiness
Were it not for you.
 
Now I'm trapped in a desert
There must be an oasis somewhere
But I can’t reach it, no matter how hard I try
All that exists is myself and the wasteland around me
The wind grows in its intensity
The sand rises into the air and stings my eyes
I stumble around blindly
It feels like I’m aimlessly walking in circles
All I can think of is why
Why did this happen?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you blame me when it was all your fault?
The scorching heat of the desert begins to magnify my insecurities
It takes control of my mind and fills it with doubt
I am trapped within the eye of the sandstorm
The voices in my head grow louder and louder
They whisper poisonous words
You’re not good enough you’re the reason she left she never cared about helping you everything was all a lie
Suddenly I cry out in pain
The voices are silent
Slowly, the harsh winds sweep away the fiery anger,
Which cools into an aching sadness.

Time passes but the stinging bitterness within me still lingers 
And I wonder when that feeling of betrayal will go away 
Maybe someday I’ll find a way out of the desert.