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Shoot fireworks from their branches in any direction whenever they felt like it. It would cause mass chaos and it would be hilarious.

Speak, but only to shout completely random things like “PEE IS STORED IN THE MIRRORPANTS WORLD” or “THE CATFISH IS ON THE ROOF.” See above.

Smack billionaires on the head when they come near.

Smack bigots on the head when they come near.

Actually, just, sense when anycreature who’s a garbage human being comes near and smack them. 

Grow leaves in all different colors, because pretty. 

Have wood in all different colors. See above.

Sing. I just think it’d be cool.

Communicate with people in their dreams when people sleep under them, whether to offer wisdom or to make fun of your hair or to just talk about whatever the heck.

Get up and walk around if they’re bored, then maybe put their roots back in the ground somewhere else.

Put their roots through solid concrete, and like, anything else.

Communicate with animals, and respond to anything they say out loud in human languages at high volumes. 

Scream uncontrollably at inhuman volumes when you chop or uproot them. 

Create weirdly-shaped unidentifiable objects out of their sap and just drop those.

Make fun of people but only when those passing by are not the people they’re making fun of and don’t know the people they’re making fun of, and only for things no person would ever make fun of another person for, like having eyes, or blowing their nose, or walking forwards instead of backwards.

See, but only in colors that humans can’t see.

Absorb anything made from wood that you place near them and use it to become bigger and stronger trees.

Make phone calls, but just to tell you something weird as frick that you’ll be thinking about for the rest of your life and then hang up.

Shake and wiggle and pulse and sort of stretch up and down like they’re bouncing and wave their branches all around when somecreature plays music aloud around them that happens to go hard enough and/or be unhinged enough. 

Poop. 

Put weird urges in the heads of some people, like to drop everything and start tap-dancing on the spot.

Drop fruit on your head on purpose if they think it will be funny.

Place leaves or flowers in your hair.

Tell you what you need to hear most. 

Pat children on the head.

Pat anycreature who is internally on any level a child on the head.

Spit sap all over passing cops.

Process

Honestly, I don’t even know, man. I was just goofin’ one day. I think there was a writing prompt somewhere? I have no idea. This is just what comes out when I sit and think about anything most of the time I guess.