Four AM

By Rizouana Prome

Discussed: depression

It was difficult for me to adjust to the beginning phase of quarantine. This poem expresses how I felt about myself during this quarantine journey.

I feel like I am trapped in a nightmare
I am continually doubting my existence
I am unsure of who I am
Or what I want to be

Gradually I am losing my leaves
I no longer blossom
I am no longer a shelter for my people
I am afraid a sudden storm will destroy my existence
Leaving me uprooted

My mouth is a grenade
Any sudden moment it explodes
Destroying the people around me
The smoke darkening my gloomy world

I feel like I have become a burden
Which everyone wishes to get rid of 
It only brings them pain and pressure
Useless and heavy

I am tired of me
My anger and rudeness
My behavior and my existence
Every day I want to disappear 
Away from everything and everyone

Process

The sudden changes in my life due to this pandemic had pushed me into a dark hole. It first started with being upset about the situation and then noticing I was losing interest in all my hobbies. Nothing seemed to bring joy to my life. It felt like I was losing parts of myself. This feeling had inspired me to compare myself with a tree. The inspiration for this poem had a lot to do with the thoughts I used to have before going to sleep. That is why it is named Four AM.