By Razan Zantout and Andrea Beatriz Arango

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This is a story about two long-distance sisters. One struggling with anxiety, and one who desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how.

Part I

Kristina (2:05pm): I’m worried about you. You haven’t been answering my texts. 

Kristina (2:07pm): I know you’re mad at me, but I was just looking out for you.

Liya (7:15pm): telling our parents my secret is NOT looking out for me

I know my older sister thought she was helping when she blurted out that I’ve been having panic attacks…at the dinner table. She knew I’d been struggling since she saw me in the middle of one. Since then, she hasn’t left me alone about it. And after that night, my parents wouldn’t let it go either. 

Kristina (7:17pm): It IS looking out for you because I was literally leaving for college the next day. If they didn’t know, who was going to make sure you were ok???

Liya (7:30pm): i was doing just fine, I don’t need u all spying on me like hawks, wondering when im going to “get anxious” again. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

I know Liya thinks I’m overbearing, but she refuses to get help! She should be seeing a therapist. I wasn’t trying to betray her trust, but she wouldn’t listen to me when I told her she needed to let an adult know. What was I supposed to do? Just leave?? What if she had gotten worse? Liya is my best friend. 

Part II (One Week Later)

Liya (11:38pm) : i know ur probably asleep right now but just cause i told u to leave me alone doesn’t mean stop texting me forever… 

Kristina (11:45pm): Actually, I’m up studying. 

Liya (11:47pm): oh sorry

I want to go back to that connection Kristina and I used to have but it seems impossible. I hate feeling like a burden. I hate being treated like a child. Maybe if I pretend that everything is okay, my family will believe it? Maybe so will I… 

Kristina (11:48pm): It’s ok. What’s up? 

Kristina (11:57pm): Liya? 

Kristina (11:59pm): Are you ok? Did you have a panic attack? Do you need me to call mom?

Liya (12:01am):  what?? no, i wanted to text you to tell you ive been doing so much better 🙂 

Kristina (12:02am): Oh. That’s great!

I wish I could just believe Liya, but I don’t know what to think. Would she actually tell me if she was struggling? I feel like she’s just pretending, but it’s so hard to know what’s real. I hate being so far away from her.

Part III (One Week Later)

Kristina (3:30pm): Hey, I know you said you were fine last time we talked but… Why do you avoid me every time I call home? I KNOW you’re not always out. 

Liya (3:50pm): i don’t know what ur talking about. ive been busy with school. everything’s fine

Kristina (3:52pm): Are you sure? Mom says you haven’t been sleeping well.

Liya (3:53pm): GREAT now u guys are talking about me behind my back??? 

Kristina (3:55pm): We’re only talking because we’re worried. This is EXACTLY why I told them.

Liya (3:58pm): well this is EXACtly why i DIDNT. everyone’s so pushy, it’s my business not anyone else’s. i don’t even know why you care so much, you’re not even here!!!

I went to a friend’s house for the weekend to get away from all the constant nagging. I don’t know what to do. No one was ever supposed to know about my stuff, Kristina found out by accident. It was supposed to be something I solved on my own, but the past few weeks have been awful. I’m so done talking to people about this, I HATE talking about my feelings. But I don’t know how to make this all go away.

Kristina (5:15pm): Mom and Dad said you left and didn’t even tell people where you were going. Liya, I’m WORRIED. I’m coming home.

Kristina (7:50pm): Why aren’t you reading my messages? Pick up your phone!

Part IV (A Few Days Later)

“What are you doing here?” I say, shock evident on my face. The last thing I expected to see when I came back from my friend’s house was my sister sitting on my bed. 

“You said I didn’t care cause I wasn’t here. Well I’m here now,” Kristina says calmly. “Please, Liya. I know I messed up. I know I shouldn’t have betrayed you that night at dinner. But I’m sorry. And I’m here. Talk to me.”

I want to dismiss what she’s saying, but I’m honestly exhausted. I’m tired of lying; to my family and to myself. I know I need help. Why am I so scared? 

“Liya, I think therapy could be good, but nobody is gonna make you do something you don’t want to do. I swear. I just want to make sure you know I am here for you.”
I try to blink back my tears, but my eyes are already getting glassy. I put my arms around Kristina, and for the first time, believe her. 

“Ok,” I say. “I’m ready to talk…” 

Process

The idea behind this story came to us after we were chatting over zoom and getting to know each other more. We realized we have some personal attributes in common, and decided to include them in the story to make it feel more personal to us. My mentor and I worked together to write the story. We realized that a story with two different points of view, written by two different people, would make it more interesting. We were able to connect our ideas to come up with a story that expressed both of our creative writing skills.