“A single day or moment can be the start of a completely new story”.

2006

It is said that life is made up of small moments that later create bigger memories. What does it do to dwell on one small insignificant detail of that small moment?

At 9 p.m. on January 16, while watching an episode of Friends, I looked at my husband and said “I think it’s time” and before the words could even leave my mouth he was up grabbing the baby bag and putting a sweater on me, while he spoke sweet words of comfort to me. He held my hands softly the whole time while he brought me down and put me in the car and the whole car ride there he held onto my hand as if the moment would take me away if he let go even for a second. 

By the time it was 12 a.m., the baby still was not here and I was starting to get really frustrated as my patience started to thin with each minute that passed. He did everything he could to help me ease into it he sat down and read passages from my favorite book, he went and fetched whatever snack I demanded, he brought up old memories and told me stories that I had once lived, he stroked my hair and kissed my forehead while I laid there and cursed him for putting this baby in me. My mother arrived amidst one of my tantrums of me yelling and screaming at his face while he smiled sweetly down at me, trying to push my hair out of my face while I slapped at his hands. At 2 a.m., it started to rain heavily and at 3 a.m., I looked at him as my eyes widened and I said “I forgot the baby blanket! The custom baby blanket, I forgot it!” My tears started falling harder than the rain as I started complaining about the baby blanket I so excitedly had made specially for our baby. He said to me “Don’t worry, I’ll go drive back and get it.” His hands slipped out of mine as he went to get my baby blanket. At 3:25 a.m., the rain had started to pick up even harder. At 3:45 a.m., my contractions had started getting closer together. And at 4:10 a.m., as I started going into labor, I screamed at my mom “Where is he? Why is he not here yet? I can’t. I can’t do this without him, where is he? He should be holding my hand, where is he! Where is my husband?” At 4:15 a.m., while my doctors worked on bringing our baby into the world I closed my eyes and prayed to any god I could think of. “Please god, please I beg you with everything I have don’t do this to me, you’ve already shown me the world please don’t do this to me, please.” At 4:55 a.m., my husband was on the road, driving back to the hospital at the same time as a drunk driver in a truck who was also on the road. At 5 a.m., I closed my eyes and heard my baby cry for the first time and it was the most heavenly sound a mother could imagine, knowing your child is here and is alright. 

Life is made up of small moments and my baby’s cry was one of them that added to my world. 

At 5:45 a.m., the hospital brought in a man who was barely alive from a car accident, covered in rain and blood, clutching a baby blanket as if his life depended on it. “Please please please. Please god, any god, please. He holds my life in his hands and I hold his child inside my own, please take anything from me but please don’t take my life.” At 9:45 a.m., my daughter was placed into my arms at the same time my husband was pronounced dead two floors below me. I looked into my daughter’s eyes, knowing her mother’s life was gone. A baby that knew nothing of the world with him in it looked back at me. I screamed, yelled, and wailed the most earth shattering scream I could, hoping that God would take me along with him. I looked into her eyes as I felt the life inside me slip away. She looked back at me, seeing her mother thrash and wail as if the sight of her hurt her own mother, not knowing the reason. At 9:50 a.m., I begged a nurse to take her from my arms as I laid there cursing every single god I could think of for doing this to me, for taking him from my life and leaving his eyes behind to look at me everyday.

Process

“The Swing Set” is a story I had come up with while obsessing over full circle moments. It takes from different moments in my life and each character is supposed to represent me in different ages. The character “T” is a personal favorite of mine as his character growth seems to be so simple but impactful throughout the progression of story. “The Swing Set” is meant to mimic everyday life and the small joys and sadness within it.