The George Post-It: Sanity Sinks in Silence

The George Post-It is a small town, highly reputable source of information for everything you need to know. Enjoy this short snippet from this morning’s paper.

The George Post-It
Sanity Sinks in Silence  

JOBS WANTED:

Join our destruction crew- pay is minimal and it will not be rewarding. The destruction crew is in charge of destroying anything that needs destroying. Services offered, but not limited to houses, buildings, relationships, lives. Looking for a flexible and destructive person to fill a sudden vacancy. Must have experience in wrecking homes and being a homewrecker. Reach out if interested. All applications must be sent to the Head of Destructive Services. We are located right off the nearest street to you. If the sending of an application provides an issue, we are constantly monitoring the area for evidence of destructive tendencies. To catch our attention, we recommend bashing a trash can against a wall until it is dented beyond return. If our attention is piqued, we will reach out to you directly. You do not need to try and find us, we will find you.

Painting services needed. The town is in desperate need of some red, and a painting crew is being assembled. Hours are late, drinks are provided. Interested persons will need to be able to have a steady hand and mind, be familiar with step dancing and feel comfortable with occasional arson. Experience is recommended but not required. Applications will be taken on a rolling basis. Please send a cover letter in red ink along with photographs of past experiences to our office. Currently, we do not have an office, but we do have a truck. If you see a red truck, throw your application into it. Please do not scratch the truck- that will reflect badly on your application. 

New bookseller needed. Old bookshop has been vacated, but we must keep it alive for scenery. Job duties include sitting at the front desk for eight hours. No book experience necessary, but sitting experience is recommended. Occasional usage of Book-Tok to update the front window is encouraged, but, again, not necessary. Payment is free access to nearby sandwich shops for daily lunch. Deliver your application to the bookshop directly and place it on the front counter under the empty sandwich plate. Currently, the door is locked, and the key is inside. Once the key has been retrieved and the door has been unlocked, we will review your application. 

FUTURE FORECASTS:

The chances of rain are probable, i.e the chance of having a chance of rain is probable. It is hard to tell when it will fall. Be surprised and be forewarned. Carry an umbrella at all times. Snow may also fall, if the temperatures fall below freezing. This might occur, and if it does, snow will follow. That is, if precipitation occurs. If not, snow will not fall.

It will also be sunny. If not during the day, then definitely at night. 

The temperatures will be comfortable enough to wear the clothing you desire. Just hopefully you desire the right clothing. 

OBITUARY:

The Prince has died. We deeply mourn the loss of his highness. During his parents’ reign, he flaunted many brands and danced many balls. His beautiful hair was beloved by all, and his eyes pierced the souls of any who saw him- almost as fast as his sword pierced the hearts of his enemies. His coronation’s attendance was low, but festivities were grand. It is said that he drank too much the night of the party and fought with his local baker. However, this has not been confirmed by our reports. It is also unclear who won the fight, however the Prince did not eat any carbohydrates for the rest of his life. His painting, which is set to hang in the current throne room of the King and Queen beautifully captures his growing bruise the night of his coronation. 

Many art critics note the beauty of the yellow of his attire contrasting the purple around his eye.

“I didn’t like him,” was how the baker described the Prince. “So I punched him.”

The Prince’s many accomplishments include the creation of a farmers market for vegetable and meat purchases only, a compilation of gluten-free recipes and a proclamation against the purchase of yeast. His dearest friends remember him as driven, determined and valiant with a one-track mind. 

“He never backed down from a challenge and never forgot those who wronged him” wrote his closest friend in a heartfelt letter. 

The Prince is survived by the King and Queen, many other Princes and Princesses, Dukes and Duchesses, Earls and Counts, and his two dogs: Bread and Butter. While he will be missed, the addition of another guest room to the castle will be greatly appreciated. 

For clarification, this was not our Prince nor is this our current Prince. The current Prince is alive. Prince Mackerel, for whom this article was written, passed in the year of 1524. This obituary has been compiled after the sudden rampage of emails sent to our office about the injustice we had served to not honor this Prince. We were provided a generous amount of compensation for this obituary.  

Process

When my mentor Karen gave me the prompt to write imaginary newspaper clippings, at first I struggled to start. But after writing a couple short ideas for the Jobs section of this “paper,” it was exciting to use the same tone in other parts of this piece. I enjoyed being able to showcase a different tone of writing than my usual. I tested out these distinct parts of a newspaper, as I felt I had the least amount of experience with them. All in all, this turned out to be a fun process to brainstorm and to write.