By Shamu Ward

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A poem that follows the feelings of the main character of my (w.i.p.) novel.

Time stands still whenever he’s around.
Is it his charm?
I find myself asking these questions when I’m alone…

I know he’s not a good person
Actually-
If anyone found out that I, Princess Amantdelyaia, was with someone of his nature…
I’d be shunned.
Is he a way to satisfy my rebellious desires?

I want him by my side
I want him to only look at me

Depend on me
Cherish me.

Is that why I get so upset?
Am I projecting my feelings onto him?
I can’t help myself…

He’s never not on my mind.

I’m sick…
He’s a plague.

I’m in love with a man who can’t love me.

It’s foolish
I’m sure it’s foolish…
I look at him.
I wonder–
Do you think of me?
Like spending time with me?
Care for me?

Yes.
Do you care for me?


I’m trying to catch your eye.
All you have to do is stop,
And then…
Just for another second–
Look at me!

Please, I’m begging you!
I know you don’t care.
I don’t care if I’m being foolish—
I want your love,
To be the one you idolize and admire

Why won’t you look at me?

How selfish can someone be?

Do you enjoy watching me? Cry?
I wish you’d just
Disappear.

I know I’d die without you.
I’ve become dependent.

You say you need me…
Of course, not because of want.

I’ll spend every moment
Hating myself for falling into your trap.

I’m at war.
It’s all your doing.

Process

This piece is very personal in many ways. Writing as this character (Amantdeiylaia) is always therapeutic for me. They have grown with me through the years. Whenever I am feeling a creativity block, this character can help me get back into the groove. I planned to sketch this character and was inspired to write a short story. This multi-faceted process helps me focus on different perspectives/experiences. Putting myself in their shoes makes me more connected to my work; it’s rewarding.