My Grandmother

My piece is named after and dedicated to my grandmother. I am forever grateful to her, and to our Korean heritage and culture.

My grandmother sometimes sings at night
Little tiny prayers and whispers 
That I don’t know the meanings of
She used to hang my grandfather’s picture
On her bedroom wall
And pray for him
I heard that she prayed for me as well
Whenever I needed it

My grandmother sometimes tells me stories
About the war between the North and the South
And how she came to the US for the American dream
She sews together traditional hanboks
And listens to the Korean news on her iPad
Along with her favorite Korean dramas at full volume
When she talks to me in Korean, I try to understand
Or if she wants me to help her carry the kimchi into the refrigerator
Or if she wants to know how many Korean kids are in my school
Or if she wants to read stories in Korean together, like I did with her in elementary school

I wish that I could tell her how grateful I am
For the stews, soups, rice, and meat that she makes five days a week
For the years she sacrificed at home to walk me back from school everyday
But for some reason, I freeze up, and I can’t tell her anything 
And I hate myself for doing that 
Because when she jokes about dying soon
A part of me breaks on the inside, and I get scared
Because I don’t know how to fix it 

So I try to keep our culture and her alive 
Her little prayers, songs, and dramas
And her voice in the back of my head, 
Continuing to tell me all about Korea

Process

I initially did not plan to start writing this piece. To be honest, I was thinking about other aspects of Korean culture to write a poem about. However, during the brainstorming for those poems, I thought about my grandmother. I started to remember memories I have of her, and I couldn’t stop writing. She and I have become very close over the last couple of years, and yet there are still so many things I have yet to tell her, and that I am scared to tell her. This poem is a look into just a couple of the memories and thoughts I have of her, thoughts that I didn’t even know I had until I started writing this piece. After editing and looking the piece over, I was able to self reflect on our relationship together, my relationship with my culture, and my identity surrounding my Korean culture.