By Marzia Afrin Seemat

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Love comes in different forms: some are like beautiful dreams, and some are painful truths. Guard your heart before it gets trapped in those painful truths…

It's hard to let you go. 
It’s hard to stop these thoughts about you.
It’s hard to confess to you. 
But… 
it’s even harder to love you any further. 

                                                                                                             I don't know when you became such a necessity. 
                                                                                                I don’t know when you turned into this hopeless passion. 
Nor do I know when I turned so selfless, and you so selfish.
And to be honest, I don't want to know.  
This heart loved you without anything in return. 
These eyes waited for your arrival only to witness your departure; 
they waited and waited and waited to get a hold of yours; 
hoping for you to know that your place resides within them. 

This crazy heart is saying the truth: 
never fall in love with someone. 
But what else can this heart tell you now
As to how much I love you;
As to how many times I chant your name. 
Let me write this love of mine with my tears…
no one except me will be able to read it…

Yes, yes! You have been loved. 
Because-- these tears that visit every night 
couldn’t be without any reason. 
These sharp aches whenever I see you, 
these continuous wishes to have you,
these stabbing pain at the thought of losing you, 
couldn't be without any reason. 
Yes, yes! I have a confession- 
I loved you in a way that made my chest burn, heart twist, and feelings crumble. 
I loved you in a way that made my tears fall, hopes shatter, and soul tired. 
I loved you in a way I wish someone loved me back. 

I have loved you in silence from a distance. 
Secretly, I have been crying, screaming, and 
dying- while you were busy laughing with her. 
I loved you knowing that you can’t ever be mine. 
I loved you knowing this Music of Pain.

I want to tell you a lot of things before you go… 
About my gazes… how they shower you with love… 
About my eyes… how they confess this love every time they catch yours… 
About my heart… how it shelters you …
About my anxiety… how it tortures me upon your presence… 
I wish you could see this unseen love of mine. 
I wish you could hear the words that I couldn’t utter. 
I wish you could see the painful wounds I carry around with me. 
I wish you could see how you infected me… forever and infinity…

This thing between you and me… 
Everything will become a story soon, 
which will only be recalled by me…

This heart will always be wishing for this Music of Pain to end… 
despite knowing that it will never end…
…that it will always echo in me… remain a part of me…
because my love can surely become a story,
but this story will never be forgotten… 
at least not by me…

Process

This poem is written from a perspective of a lover, who has been loving this certain someone for a while now. But he is unaware of her love as he is busy with someone else. This poem explores the idea of loving someone from a distance, indicating that love can exist all by itself. Now, he is leaving; moving to another city, and she will be here- all alone with her feelings. These words represent her intense love for him; they are meant for him- wished upon to be uttered and heard by him and him alone. Yet, at the end, she wishes to move on, despite knowing he will be a part of her no matter where they both are. I wrote this poem mostly because of my interest in love existing on different levels on different spectrums. Through writing this poem, I was able to acknowledge that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting the past, instead, it means carrying the past to new experiences.