Sometimes, everything we want is on the other side of fear. Time waits for no man, but that doesn’t mean we must always try to race against it.

Time 

I wish I could befriend you, then conquer you. 
You are like a toxic ex, 
a master manipulator.

Gas.
Lighter. 

Adding fuel to any fire.

Ticking away,
always with a burning
To consume.

With what I can only presume to be
the intention of flaring up my anxiety. 

You trick me into thinking,
I have more of you than I do.
I lend myself to you. 
Overextend and pretend as I procrastinate.

I will never get a hold of you…
To overcome my fear of you.

So I tell myself–

You have all the time in the world. 
To be great. To be late
To make mistakes.
To get back up
Or bounce around
To reminisce and dismiss. 
To lift
Be lifted.
To cry.

So stop running.
Slowdown.
Walk,
Slow and sensual.

Strut… 
YES strut
Like it's New York fashion week. 

My path is my runway, 
There’s no set timeline.
My lifeline is red and bright,
And beats like the heart of a caged bird. 
Not from fear and exhaustion, 
But from excitement and adrenaline.


I will not fail.

Process

Throughout this writing process, I thought about my habit of procrastination and how fickle time can be. I often have anxiety about procrastinating as a deadline approaches, and I am still putting things off, though I work best under pressure. That anxiety can flare up with issues like school assignments, big life decisions like a conversation about my future, or life events that I feel I am behind on. I compare myself to others and feel a sudden rush of despair. I developed my first draft based on a prompt given to me by my mentor, which I then wanted to expand on. I remember drafting it in my notes app and trying to figure out quirky lines to add to it in my creative writing class. “So I begin to tell myself” shows how I have grown more patient with myself. I see my procrastination differently now. I understand I don’t need to compare myself to others because everyone is on a different timeline.