By Olivia Hom
This poem is about a deeply personal experience I’ve had this year. It’s about feeling bitter, betrayed, and abandoned. And no, it’s not about a romantic relationship.
The glass of my iPhone shatters as it meets the wooden floor There’s a bitterness forming within me The world stands still as if a pause button is pressed I’m too numb to cry I want to scream but my throat dried up Suddenly all hope has disappeared I glance at the small bowl made of multicolored radishes that rests on a shelf Inside the bowl is a tiny clay bird painted in swirls of white, grey, and bronze A message is tucked within a hole in the bird The message is full of gratitude and well wishes I laugh bitterly I could’ve had that same happiness Were it not for you. Now I'm trapped in a desert There must be an oasis somewhere But I can’t reach it, no matter how hard I try All that exists is myself and the wasteland around me The wind grows in its intensity The sand rises into the air and stings my eyes I stumble around blindly It feels like I’m aimlessly walking in circles All I can think of is why Why did this happen? Why did you leave me? Why did you blame me when it was all your fault? The scorching heat of the desert begins to magnify my insecurities It takes control of my mind and fills it with doubt I am trapped within the eye of the sandstorm The voices in my head grow louder and louder They whisper poisonous words You’re not good enough you’re the reason she left she never cared about helping you everything was all a lie Suddenly I cry out in pain The voices are silent Slowly, the harsh winds sweep away the fiery anger, Which cools into an aching sadness. Time passes but the stinging bitterness within me still lingers And I wonder when that feeling of betrayal will go away Maybe someday I’ll find a way out of the desert.
Olivia Hom is a class of 2020 Girls Write Now mentee based in New York, NY.