my brain is 
so loud
it is an earth-shattering mind-encompassing cacophony of heartbreak
where the screams and sobs and voices never stop
and I just want this orchestra of insanity to be over

so I choose the pond by the tree that makes shadows on the ground in the shape of leaves
when I lie in the water the branches from cracks in the sky that block out the sun
the moss on the rocks are pillows where I can rest my head
and the forget-me-nots that litter the shore grow towards the light
they remind me of our childhood

our bare feet on the cold stone floor
the keyhole windows that used to be so far out of reach
our love a masterpiece sealed by acrylics and paintbrushes
I could even see the pond from your bed at night
when the moon was high and the fireflies shone brighter than the stars
sometimes
if I listened hard enough
I could hear the water ripple when a leaf fell

and then there were ghosts
and your promises and love poems were as fleeting as the dead you chased 
I can’t believe I ever trusted you
til death do us part
the water fills my lungs
my breath is stolen
my clothes billow around my outstretched arms 
they weigh me down

I open my eyes while the shadows obscure the branches and the cold streams through my veins and I just want to see you again and it’s taking so long but then I realize— 
it’s so very quiet when you’re dead.

Performance

Process

I had the idea to write a poem about Ophelia when I was looking back at photos from my theatre group’s production of “Hamlet” from four years ago. I started out by jotting down words that popped into my head when I thought about Ophelia, namely “pond,” “life,” “fear,” “paintings,” “woman,” “beauty” and “love.” I took those words and wrote down a first draft which eventually became this poem after many edits and revisions.