Scary Things/Midsummer

By Lulu Sha

These pieces explore my ideas on love, loss, and emotional validation. They’re the products of a girl who got lost inside her own head for too long.

Scary Things
Inspired by Sei Shonagon’s The Pillow Book 

Talking to strangers
Talking to a crush and seeing that their feet are pointed away from you
Dying alone
Watching your partner grow old and weak. They can no longer run towards you, or run away from you
The feeling of bug legs crawling on your skin
Having to kill the spiders yourself
Losing your virginity
Being a virgin after college 
The expensive gifts from your partner after a fight. This time it’s a watch with a painted white rabbit in the background
Knowing they will mention the watch in the next fight to make you feel guilty
Grabbing a hammer to smash the watch, but not being able to because you don’t want to hurt the rabbit
Feeling ashamed for still needing your partner
Accepting the shame
Eating your favorite childhood dish and not feeling any nostalgia
The scale in shopping mall bathrooms
The weight of everything you haven’t done yet
Not being afraid to die

Midsummer

We met the last day of June
You were singing 
and playing
the six-string in my heart.
You were undoing
the strings of my heart.
And all the boys bring you roses
but do you remember
when I kissed the daisies
we planted in the Garden of Eden
before God made the night?
And if you still wear 
flowers in your hair
do you still remember
when you bloomed 
at my touch
and I discovered the firmness of Eve
lying between the breasts of a woman
Who’s never been born?
So I did not come to the hospital that day
because Man begets Man
but what does Woman
keep for herself?
It’s been many years
and I wonder
how he touched you
and you danced
in the palm of his hand.
Because I heard
when you dance before God
there is no music
but his heart beating fast.
I wonder if there’s 
flowers in heaven.
I wonder if your room has a window
because through the window you can see I still kiss 
the flowers that shower your grave.

Process

Both pieces started out as shower thoughts. They may or may not have been inspired by a Led Zeppelin song I was listening to. With the patient guidance of my amazing mentor, they’ve now been refined into more organized explorations of my inner consciousness. Please don’t take them too seriously—they’re works of fiction!