The Side They Never See
By Doha Ahmed
Captured in a moment of pain, this poem was a way for me to release my emotions onto the page. I hope to show anyone who encounters this piece that they are not alone.
I feel so invisible. to everyone and everything I do not know what I have done to deserve it but my phone now never rings I held myself In my worst moments but my heart can never sing It’s only a ringing in my ears with the biggest fear of the worst occurring I am trying to stop myself from breaking but with all this pain it’s as if my mind is shaking You told me I don’t matter and no one will understand That this life is more than one stupid man or everyone that has caused me pain I cannot blame you, I put myself in the chains I do not know how to go back, the path is unclear Tell me to hold on a little longer Tell me there is a chance hope will appear Tell me I’m not just a deer in headlights waiting to get hit in the rear As I stand in between the surface I am crushed between your lies I realize you I don’t despise it was me all along Telling myself I am not strong enough to move on No it is me I hate I do not fake This love was made for something more than me I am not enough so do not say I matter Always climbing the ladder just to fall off I cannot take this anymore my heart has gone soft I do not laugh at your jokes It’s like one big propaganda We’re all just plain folks Walking around with a smile on our face I bet you used to love the way I made your heart race and with no expression on my face I sang the tune that had been replaying in my head The voices said it’s time to sing a little song and even if your heart can’t sing just try to go along With the lyrics in your head that say they want you dead Laying on a bed I cannot get up from, With my arms and legs that feel like boulders Like bricks my heart said it was so heavy It feels like it might drop to my stomach Although it had been empty for days Begging to be fed As if someone had to pull my body parts Together with a thread to fix the broken pieces and as the hate for myself increases I laid there still realizing the deer Had been shed of all its protective covering Naked It lost the race and now you look for that deer in every place and you fear that something is not right Maybe someone will hold you tight Tell you it’s alright but for me it’s over You've proved me wrong What you have been waiting for has come I am gone
I have put an immense amount of time into writing and editing this piece as I hoped to maintain the authenticity of my experience. Being alone is not equivalent to being lonely. My intention was to communicate this through the use of canonical tools such as symbolism, repetition and rhyme. I hope my reader can resonate with my experience and that this poem serves as an example of a poet who, too, is insistently investigating their own voice.
Doha Ahmed is a high school student. She is a peer representative at Girls Inc., as well as a house representative in the House Reps organization. Her involvement in the Girls Write Now organization has helped her discover her love for writing. She enjoys writing poetry, playing softball and cooking. She hopes to start a business, travel and live her life surrounded by nature.