Writer in the dark
By Megumi Jindo
Before I found writing, I was lost. After that, I was found.
i was always bad at talking— always didn't seem to be able to communicate the depth of my feelings to people i couldn’t find a way to hide how i felt, escape how i lived, until i found writing when i was trapped in my own head and wanted to express myself, writing was the only way out. writing was the only source i could use to say all the things i couldn’t— how i actually felt. writing was in one word: my life and somehow my therapist. when i had stairway thoughts at night —dreams, failures, loss of love, worries— writing was there.
i would take out my pen and notebook that i always kept by me —because i seemed to write every moment of my life— and release my burdens into it jotting down every sentiment that came to my core— dropping down into tears and whirling memories before they disappeared. writing was someone to listen— my best friend. all my disorders and chaos, my fleeting life, my teenage depressions and growing up, tipped into one world: writing. it was also a place to capture moments of now and be inspired and inspire. a convention where i would meet a different level of reality. all the sensational parts of nature became tangible: the golden hours, the moonlit night, the springs of first dawn, the sunsets and twilights, the little sparkles of fairy lights and wishes. the place where fears are let out, the place where cries remain locked up, the place where i become most vulnerable simply, writing is where i can put all of me and all my words and let loose, get rid of all the emotions i’ve kept inside me, and write, write, write, my heart out because to write, is to be free.
This poem was originally written to submit to the Kenyon Young Writers’ Summer Online Workshop to the prompt: “write a 300-word statement, essay, story, or poem that illustrates why and/or how writing has been meaningful in your life (you may be as straightforward or creative with this prompt as you like).”
I immediately knew that I would write a poem, (because I love poems and they were the easiest way in which I could express myself) but the problem that stopped me was: how could I explain or illustrate how much writing meant to me?
Well, that was kind of a mess at first—I didn’t know what to write (like I did, but I didn’t know how to articulate it) and I didn’t know how I could translate how much writing meant to me. But while working on this application, I got sidetracked and actually came across, a Tate McRae YouTube interview about her song “Rubberband.” The response that she said to the interviewer on how much songwriting meant to her really resonated with me, and how much songwriting meant to her felt deeply relatable to what writing meant to me. We both felt that writing was an outlet to express ourselves and, drawing from that interview, I started to gain inspiration and began to write.
Afterward, I had written this three-page poem (and had to cut it down a bit to fit the required word count and had decided that the title would be named after Lorde’s song, “Writer In The Dark”) but as I was re-reading what I had written, I realized that I had somehow communicated exactly how I felt and that was it!
Writing was my way of transmitting my feelings and, ironically, writing had in this case, been the answer to my troubles (in how to emulate the significance of writing). From the poem, it dawned on me that whatever problems I had, writing would always be the answer because “to write, is to be free.” And since then, that phrase has become the solution and healing method for all things.
Megumi Jindo is a sophomore in high school. She loves writing, reading, listening to music, photography, art and playing sports. She also loves songwriting and collecting new vocab to expand her writing style. She aims to become a best-selling author one day and wants to use her writing as a way to educate and help America be a better version of itself. Also, she loves sunrises, sunsets, astrology, psychology and eating junk food!