By AJ Lamas-Nemec

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This piece explores what home means, and the different ways it can manifest. I mainly explored how different smells can remind you of home, and what that home looks like for me.

I never allowed myself to light candles
	citing the ability of fires
		dragging themselves through the home
			burning a hole through the whole of the house

I have never lit this candle
	but if I were to it would smell like soap
	drawn out from palm sized leaves
		and the psalms of tree bark

			I would trace the smell here
				to home
			and laugh at the ridiculousness of it:

	home
		which would look like
			chairs breaking with the weight of our joy
				hair flipping side to side
					in a run to futures prayed for

	home would look like the wind
		sprinting out the door and into the expanse of our excitement
	
with the fire lit I would
	look up at our semblances of love
		the implication that
			we were all we had for each other

	with the fire lit I would
		split the gift up
			call you all into the clouds
				pass our love around and
					let it embrace us
			
		it would seem almost
			stupid how giddy we would get at the little joy
				alight in our palms
		soon we’ll all leave far from here
		and all of this
			will be snuffed out but
			the smells of this place would be encapsulated in our candles
		
	and they would smell like this time
	feel like this laughters
	hurt like their smell biting our memories
		with the knowledge that this is it
	
	but we’ll hold our candles
		pull them close
	close our lips and hope
		that they are enough
			for our sad eyes to remember
				who we were with each other

Process

Throughout the weeks before writing this poem, I was thinking a lot about what it felt to be near people who allow you to express every asset of yourself to the fullest. The people who have been and will be there for the longest time, even if they aren’t physically with you. This is a poem about what “home” feels like with these people. This poem is meant to express how smell can bring you back to the people who you haven’t known in a long time, but who you still care about. This is an expression of love.