A Life of Comedy and Tragedy

By Toa Mohemed

This is a piece on the regurgitation of trauma from the perspective of a young girl transitioning into her authentic self through reflection.

little girl, why do you weep and wail?
your cries behold truth that those stricken by your light cannot see
in your eyes, they see an angel, a saving grace, God
but still, you cry
 and cry
  and cry…
a tiny heart ridden with the blues
born in sorrow & pain
only to live a life in vain

the arms that cradled you and eased your fears
become foreign to you throughout the years
baba’s at work & mama’s crying cause she’s stressed
the blues residing in your heart are no longer suppressed
here comes the chaos & the puppeteering
on goes your mask,
the sock & buskin

blood! sin! shame!
this is womanhood, little girl
your life will never be the same
cause little girl, you are not so little anymore
but ain’t it funny?
the blood of your womb which carries man
is deemed “bad blood,” abominable, impure
you are disgusted of your own flesh & blood
bend your knees and pray—repent! repent! repent!

they tell you lower your gaze,
cover yourself, you’re a woman now
don’t laugh too loud, you cackle like a witch
you talk too much, won’t you be quiet?
this box is suffocating
here you are, kicking & crying like a newborn child
in the chambers of your mind, you yell—i want out! out! out!
    let me free!
    let me free!
    let me free!
a spirit anchored by the fearful & fretful mind…

Process

I was inspired by my experiences and the cultural stigma surrounding being a young woman. I always felt like I had an image to live up to, even if it meant sacrificing my own perception of myself. I felt like I had a lot of demons whispering in my ear. You know when that voice inside your head gets so loud that you feel like you’re gonna explode? That’s what drove me to write this poem. It was a process of talking to myself on paper.