Candles
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This piece explores what home means, and the different ways it can manifest. I mainly explored how different smells can remind you of home, and what that home looks like for me.
I never allowed myself to light candles
citing the ability of fires
dragging themselves through the home
burning a hole through the whole of the house
I have never lit this candle
but if I were to it would smell like soap
drawn out from palm sized leaves
and the psalms of tree bark
I would trace the smell here
to home
and laugh at the ridiculousness of it:
home
which would look like
chairs breaking with the weight of our joy
hair flipping side to side
in a run to futures prayed for
home would look like the wind
sprinting out the door and into the expanse of our excitement
with the fire lit I would
look up at our semblances of love
the implication that
we were all we had for each other
with the fire lit I would
split the gift up
call you all into the clouds
pass our love around and
let it embrace us
it would seem almost
stupid how giddy we would get at the little joy
alight in our palms
soon we’ll all leave far from here
and all of this
will be snuffed out but
the smells of this place would be encapsulated in our candles
and they would smell like this time
feel like this laughters
hurt like their smell biting our memories
with the knowledge that this is it
but we’ll hold our candles
pull them close
close our lips and hope
that they are enough
for our sad eyes to remember
who we were with each other
Process
Throughout the weeks before writing this poem, I was thinking a lot about what it felt to be near people who allow you to express every asset of yourself to the fullest. The people who have been and will be there for the longest time, even if they aren’t physically with you. This is a poem about what “home” feels like with these people. This poem is meant to express how smell can bring you back to the people who you haven’t known in a long time, but who you still care about. This is an expression of love.
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AJ Lamas-Nemec
AJ Lamas-Nemec is a Junior at St. Anne's-Belfield high school, and is excited to be a new member of the Girls Write Now community! They enjoy reading, writing, baking, and sitcoms. Their favorite poets include Elizabeth Acevedo, and Ada Limón, and love novelists such as R.F. Kuang.